


just for one night

by johnyongclub



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang World, Anal Fingering, Angst, Choking, Dom/sub, Gang Leader Lee Taeyong, Inspired By Peaky Blinders, Light Bondage, M/M, References to Drugs, Rough Oral Sex, Shameless Smut, Spit As Lube, oh god i still don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24073108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnyongclub/pseuds/johnyongclub
Summary: he's good at that, taeyong. he's good at causing chaos and bringing misery to the people he deems deserve it and johnny-johnny suh, deserves it most of all. he deserves it. he deserves every pain and sorrow and sadness that the world could offer, that taeyong could inflict on him.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 40
Kudos: 160





	just for one night

**Author's Note:**

> hello hahaha. don't blame me for this shameless thing i wrote, it's all nct's fault? they're responsible. but okay, that aside, i'm not sure what else to tag so if there's anything that might need a tag warning, please let me know!! i personally don't think there's anything too bad besides some rough manhandling and degradation but do inform me!! im obsessed with peaky blinders so why not put them together hahahahahha.
> 
> ps. as always i did not proofread or have a beta. and sorry if it doesn't make sense ajsjhs
> 
> pss. pls practice SAFE sex
> 
> on a last note, there are mentions of drugs and alcohol, don't know if i should mention that???

_eyes_ . _brown, piercing eyes._

taeyong sees his eyes first, staring at him from across the street, standing amongst similarly dressed men but centered, all attention on him. there's tension in the air, so thick taeyong could almost touch it but the one he focuses on is the one he feels between just him and _him_. 

he, whose eyes gaze at him so intensely, so full of emotions, undecided. there's love and hate, affection and repulsion and it makes taeyong reel with victory because if anyone could give such turmoil to one's soul, it would be him. 

he's good at that, taeyong. he's good at causing chaos and bringing misery to the people he deems deserve it and johnny- _johnny suh_ , deserves it most of all. he deserves it. he deserves every pain and sorrow and sadness that the world could offer, that taeyong could inflict on him. 

taeyong is clad in leather; most of them are. it's a meeting of sorts, between his horde and johnny's. the _cyrille_ _cartel_ and the _orion family_ have been at odds with each other since the dawn of time, mortal enemies, only civil for the good of the modern world. taeyong leads _cyrille_ and johnny _orion_ , two ends of the spectrum.

one might wonder just how taeyong had managed to make a fool out of the infamous, merciless _orion_ leader, johnny suh, but he never doubted his ability to. he has a tendency to keep a low profile, so low no one outside the inner circle of the cartel knows the face of their leader, so it wasn't impossible for it to trick johnny. 

johnny is, to taeyong, just another man. 

( he will ignore the sleepless nights when he was awake for hours, filled with guilt and regret and wishing they were born into different families, that perhaps then they wouldn't be enemies. )

his fit is unnecessary but taeyong likes making an entrance, likes the attention and the hungry eyes even his enemies followed him with. he'd put on just his sleeveless leather vest, a black leather choker with thin, hanging chains that wrap around his ribcage, under his arms to connect to the back of the choker. a biker glove that covers half his forearm and a sleeve of tattoos for show.

he had dyed his hair pink recently and no doubt he'd change it again soon but he likes it. it gives him a soft edge to his hard exterior and he likes using it as an advantage. when people fall for his charms and soft facade, it's easier to fool them.

the moon is bright above them, laced with an orange hue, as if waiting for chaos to happen. the street is deserted, at three in the morning and johnny's men are standing to his left and right, dressed in black, shooting intimidating glares that don't faze taeyong or his own men and women. honestly, though, it's almost funny. 

johnny is dressed similarly, leather jacket with nothing underneath, exposing the ink on his chest, black, studded gloves and a thick chain around his neck. he doesn't go anywhere without it, taeyong noticed from their times together; it's a symbol of strength and leadership and johnny is prideful, an egotistical man who likes to show off.

"i think it's time you drop your facade, yong," johnny says finally, breaking the silence. their meeting is unofficial, bordering on dangerous ground and one wrong word could break out a nasty riot. taeyong is careful but confident. johnny continues, " _cyrille_ is failing and you know the deal our ancestors made. losers give it all up."

taeyong holds a smirk, his gaze unwavering. "i'm not dead yet, johnny. as long as i live, _cyrille_ is superior. we're above you in numbers, every aspect of it. which is why i don't understand the need for this meeting, you're wasting my time."

johnny is easy to read so taeyong doesn't miss the way his smile falters and his eyes twitch. he knows taeyong speaks truth; _orion_ hasn't been doing well for a while now, thanks to taeyong.

he knows johnny wouldn't bring it up, how he had forsaken his businesses for the affection he has for taeyong, simply because taeyong, under his disguise, had told him he didn't like johnny being a part of such dangerous business, pretending to be unaware that johnny leads his entire gang. love makes one weak. 

it had certainly worked on johnny.

johnny takes a few steps forward, lifting a hand up to stop his men from following, all while he keeps his gaze on taeyong. "i know playing fair is not part of the rule. but i hope you don't sleep at night knowing you cheated your way up."

taeyong's jaw clenches, hands itching to ball into fists but he refuses to show it. somehow, in a way, johnny knows him too, like he knows johnny, because in his attempt to bring down _orion_ he had made his own share of mistakes. one of it was baring his soul to johnny, enough for there to be something genuine between them, when there shouldn't be. he doesn't sleep at night.

he probably would never be able to.

his eyes follow johnny's when the pair flickers down to the anklet that he'd clasped around taeyong's ankle so many nights ago. he cusses low under his breath because johnny's not meant to see it but there he goes, smirking because he knows that taeyong is just as fucked over.

he shifts in an attempt for the anklet to hide beneath the tongue of his shoe, holding his head up high to keep up with his nonchalance. johnny should never know the true, raw emotions he feels inside but that might have been too late to hide. johnny knows and he shows it in his victorious smirk and piercing gaze.

next to him, doyoung, his right hand man stood on guard, the only other person who knows about the affair. doyoung glares over at johnny, taking a step to the front in a protective stance. at the same time, johnny's trusted man taeyong knows is called mark steps forward as well.

"you said as long as you live, _cyrille_ would rule," johnny speaks again, a sense of calmness radiating off his skin and it scares taeyong, though he doesn't show it. "i guess the only thing to do now is to make sure that changes."

johnny moves then, so fast, so very skilled, his arm shifting and taeyong watches, stunned for a moment, as johnny's hand closes around the grip of his revolver and pulls at the trigger. there's a loud gunshot that triggers everyone to move. there's no pain but taeyong sees doyoung fall. 

"taeil! keep doyoung safe!" he shouts over the noise that filled the otherwise quiet street, moving with a hand closing around the grip of his own pistol into cover, protecting himself from being shot at.

it's chaos everywhere. he catches a glimpse of taeil dragging doyoung away to safer distance and his eyes flicker to find johnny. there are gunshots everywhere and while he worries that doyoung is done for, he knows _cyrille_ won't cave in. if one of them is to be shoved to their knees, it would be the _orion family._

he shoots at any member of the rival family on sight, aiming for their hearts, their heads, the fatal spots that would keep them down forever. raising his head slightly above the wall that shields him, taeyong finds johnny. 

johnny's men are dying, even though he was the one who had fired the first shot. anger rises like bile in taeyong's chest because he had planned to stay civil, even though they had all come armed, in case this happens. it's so like johnny to act upon his emotions, taeyong thinks. this is why johnny is at his downfall and taeyong is rising.

gripping hard at the pistol in his hand, taeyong rises to his feet and pulls the trigger. _one_ , a miss. _two_ , another failed aim. _three_ , there; a bullet through johnny's arm as the tall man stumbles back. taeyong stops at that, just as his people shot down each one of johnny's men.

he steps out of the shield so johnny could see him, lifting a hand to stop his horde from shooting at the _orion_ leader, mark at his side and struggling to pull him to safety. johnny's eyes stayed locked to his as he lets mark pull him away and taeyong doesn't blink until johnny was gone.

there should be pride and victory but all taeyong could feel is a kind of heartbreak he had never felt before. he didn't win, he only lost.

* * *

doyoung is stitched up and tended to, the bullet only grazed his shoulder and taeyong thanked him for his undying loyalty and this sense of protection that he has over taeyong. they didn't lose too many of their men but taeyong had some of them collect the bodies of those that passed.

the situation is unresolved; there is no news of johnny, whether or not he's still alive and whether or not the _orion family_ is planning to avenge the death of its members. it's honorable to remember who fired first, in this case it was johnny, and by right the family shouldn't declare war but taeyong knows _orion_ ; they have no mercy.

if things turn for the worst, taeyong would have to prepare for a much more gruesome fight. he has eyes everywhere and it had been a couple of hours since the fight broke out, yet there hasn't been any report of johnny's sighting or an outrage from the other members of _orion_.

the calmness makes taeyong nervous.

he's still dressed the same, no time to change into comfortable clothes in between the chaos, making sure doyoung is okay and ordering his men to do their parts so everything goes back in order. most of them are still on guard, in the _cyrille_ -owned nightclub taeyong built nearly five years ago that he named _cressida._

the only entrance to his suite is through the club, so while he recomposes himself, his men are positioned downstairs to guard the area. 

everything about _cressida_ is fancy, from its entrance to its interior, bathed in _cyrille_ gold; the cartel money they've earned through their imports and exports of drugs. _cyrille_ is richer than _orion_ by millions; it's only out of respect that they don't rob the _orion_ off their land and money. 

standing by his vanity now, taeyong stares at himself in the mirror as johnny's words rang through his head. ' _i hope you don't sleep at night knowing you cheated your way up.'_ johnny's voice plays over and over, reminding him of his dirty work, reminding him that love isn't to be played with because in the end johnny wouldn't be the only fool to come out of it. taeyong is too.

he clenches his jaw, angry at himself for allowing it to happen, for letting his heart open, for letting johnny in. johnny had opened fire, intending to kill and that pisses taeyong off but most of all he's just angry at himself. it was a game he played and it's starting to feel like he'd lost this round.

it's starting to feel like he'd lost the game.

movements in the mirror's reflection catch his eyes and the pair shifts to find a silhouetted male standing by his door. it surprises him that he isn't surprised to tell who it is easily, and it surprises him even more that he feels nothing but relief. 

without turning back, taeyong speaks. "you tried to kill me."

a pause, long enough for taeyong to turn around and face johnny, who finally steps out of the shadow to reveal his face. there's pain in his eyes; not anger, not sadness. just pain. he'd changed into a simpler fit, black hair tousled, wearing only a suit jacket, unbuttoned and beneath it is a patch of bandage taeyong assumed is used to cover his gun wound. the one taeyong caused.

it's a surprise he's alive, and even more so that he could slip in here without alerting the guards with such a deep wound, one that would take a normal person days to recover from. 

"you played me," johnny says finally, letting out a humorless chuckle under his breath. "you lied to me and you made me believe you were an entirely different person. and you played me."

taeyong's jaw clenches. "it's nothing compared to the amount of people you've manipulated. it's not even the half of it, johnny."

"and you think returning the favor makes you better than me?"

"i never said that," taeyong's voice lowered and he looks away, swallowing thickly. "i'm not better than you. i just wanted you to feel how they felt."

johnny scoffs. "you're not their saint, taeyong. you aren't half as good as you thought you were. you're lying to yourself if you believe you don't have any feelings for me. that makes you the bigger fool, don't you think?"

"it doesn't matter. it's done." taeyong says, pushing off the vanity to step closer to johnny, meeting his eyes. "your weakness cost you all the income your family could have gotten. once they find out you're the reason they're falling behind, not only did you become taeyong's victim, but you'd also be shunned by your own family."

he knows he's pushing it and he knows he shouldn't falter under the dimming of johnny's eyes as pain flashes within them but taeyong feels his heart crack once again. 

"you disgust me," johnny spits as he, too, steps closer, so close he could feel johnny's hot breath on his cheeks, taeyong having to tilt his head upwards just slightly to maintain the eye contact. "you're a dirty, nasty player, taeyong. there's a special place in hell for people like you."

his heart hurts but he fights it off with a clench of his jaw, his hands balling into fists. "you deserved it. you deserved every bit of it, johnny suh."

for a single beat of their hearts, johnny is silent but then his hand lifts and it curls around taeyong's throat, squeezing just hard enough for breathing to be difficult. in that brief moment, taeyong thinks that this is it. this is how he dies and he can't deny that he probably deserves it.

he waits for it to happen, waits for his life to leave him, waits for it to hurt even more. what comes, however, is johnny's lips upon his own and without realizing it, taeyong is kissing him back. hungry, sloppy, so much heat, so much anger. and he wants it. he wants it so very badly.

johnny licks into his mouth and his grip around taeyong's neck doesn't loosen and instead tightens, pushing him back up against his vanity, where he lifts the smaller man onto as he kisses him. taeyong grows heady by the second, suckling onto johnny's wet tongue and moaning as his legs wrap around the male's waist.

it's a mess of his things tumbling onto the floor and their loud, ragged breathing as each of them tries to peel off the other's clothes. johnny gets to him first, easily pushing his vest off and leaving only his choker and chains on before it's his turn to tear at johnny's suit jacket.

johnny, as always, has the upper hand and taeyong is willing. taeyong is always willing. it's a contrast to the image he portrays as the leader of the gang. in the bedroom with johnny like this, taeyong is nothing more than a toy. and he loves it. taeyong absolutely loves it.

the taller continues to kiss him, licking onto the roof of his mouth and swirling his thicker tongue around taeyong's as he unbuckles his belt. taeyong recognizes the sound of it and immediately knows what to expect. it's consented long ago, when they had been lovers during taeyong's disguise. he knows johnny would stop if he tells him to. but he doesn't want that.

taeyong wants johnny.

he's turned around with no gentleness as johnny ties his wrists together against the bottom of his spine with the leather belt, shoved down onto his knees and head tugged back harshly with a strong grip of johnny's hand in his hair. 

when johnny comes around to face him, he has his pants off, cock standing tall in taeyong's face. he stares up at johnny's face, wearing the mask of innocence he knows gets johnny off; big doe eyes and pouty lips, just begging to be fucked. he doesn't need to voice it out because johnny knows. johnny always knows what he wants.

"open," johnny says firmly and it's enough to have taeyong parting his lips, sticking his tongue out. he moans as johnny rubs the fat tip of his cock over the pad of his wet muscle, tasting the familiar flavor of johnny's precum and wanting more. johnny chuckles, tightening the grip in his hair. "you're all talk, aren't you? you're actually still just a little slut for me."

taeyong whines because yes, _yes_ , he is. he is nothing more but that. johnny doesn't waste his time. he bends down just enough to spit onto taeyong's tongue and then his palm, slicking his shaft with it before he's then gripping at taeyong's jaw and pushing his cock past his lips.

he pushes in too deep at first, causing taeyong to gag, though he knows johnny did it on purpose, to teach him a lesson, to rouse him even more. it's enough to bring tears to his eyes as he gasps when johnny pulls back, breathing hard and heavy, just moments before the taller pushes into his mouth once again, shoving deep down his throat. taeyong doesn't gag this time, but his eyes squeezed shut as his body heaves. 

johnny pulls out once more and then he begins a continuous series of his hips snapping forward, keeping taeyong's head in place with both hands buried in his pink hair as he uses the smaller's mouth like he would a toy. taeyong's eyes roll into the back of his skull as he relaxes his throat, gagging sounds filling the otherwise quiet room save for the soft thuds of the bass from the club downstairs. it's so good, taeyong thinks he's dreaming. 

as johnny continues to fuck into his mouth, taeyong tugs at the belt that binds his wrists together, itching to touch and whining when he remembers that he couldn't. johnny's thrusts are brutal and fast, his cock pounding into taeyong's wet heat, so much bubbles of spit and precum begin to froth at the corners of his mouth. 

"you're fucking filthy," johnny spits, quickening his pace and groaning as taeyong watches him throw his head back in pleasure. "fuck."

when he pulls out, taeyong gasps, strings of the filthy mixture of liquids connecting his mouth to johnny's cock, some of them spilling down his chin, along the column of his neck. he tries hard to breathe, big eyes meeting johnny's once again and he makes a show of parting his lips to show johnny the sticky substance on his tongue.

it's enough to have johnny move again and taeyong is laughing, victorious, even as johnny pulls him up by his arm and shoves him onto the mattress, face down. there's nothing he could do, really, not when his wrists are bound. 

johnny's strength makes it possible for him to pull down taeyong's pants without any difficulty and in his dazed state, all taeyong knows is that he is now fully bared, all for johnny to take.

he squirms, releasing a needy whine as he wiggles his hips, begging wordlessly. he's tempted to tell johnny to go right into it but he knows he would be the one suffering tomorrow. 

"please," he whispers then, toes wriggling, fingers scratching at the leather belt in a useless attempt to free himself. "please give it to me, johnny. want your cock. want it inside me."

"shut up," johnny snaps. he moves but taeyong couldn't see, only gasping when he feels johnny wrap a piece of cloth around his head, a substitute for a ball gag that ultimately shuts him up. "you don't get to fucking speak to me."

taeyong whines, the sound muffled against what he realizes is his own boxer briefs, and the degradation of the act alone makes his stomach twist with arousal. his eyes roll back once again when he feels the warm mess of liquid that johnny spits right onto his ring of muscles.

johnny eats him out with haste, as if he's as desperate as taeyong feels, but it doesn't make it less enjoyable. his wide tongue laps up at taeyong's entrance, teasing the puckered rim and before long he could feel the strings of spit drip down the backs of his thighs.

moans spill from his lips as he pushes his hips back against johnny's face but the taller wouldn't have any of it, stalling him with a harsh grip onto his tiny waist as he fucks into him with his tongue. it makes taeyong's leg twitch, moans muffled against the cloth, damp with spit.

he's certain it's not enough to slick him up but taeyong couldn't complain as johnny pushes two fingers into him, immediately pumping into his channel and effectively causing his entire frame to shake with arousal. 

"i hate you," johnny says just as he curls his digits into the bulb of tissue that sends taeyong into another level of high. he revels in the hate that's laced in johnny's words, because he knows behind that is the kind of affection johnny probably would never show. "you make me sick."

taeyong whines, louder, growing desperate as johnny adds a third finger to fuck into him. it doesn't take too long this, muchh to taeyong's relief, because then johnny is pulling out his fingers and once again slicking up his cock. 

there's a kind of addiction to feeling this way, pleasured beyond his senses, pushed so far to the edge to fall together. johnny was not his first but johnny was the first one he'd shared such intimacy with his heart out on a silver platter. 

as taeyong pushes his hips back, he feels the fat tip of johnny's cock rub at his puffy rim, moaning shamelessly in hopes johnny would hurry up and fuck him. johnny is filled with anger, however, and taeyong can't blame him for being angry. he doesn't tease for much longer, hands spreading at taeyong's cheeks before he pushes into him, inch by another inch until he is fully sheathed.

it's so, so good that taeyong had to still, clenching around johnny's shaft and catching his breath as his eyes closed, shaking, from his head to toe. johnny only waits for a second before he gathers the chains on taeyong's back in a single grip and pulls, hard enough for his back to arch, head pulled back and whining pathetically.

"this is all you are to me," johnny mutters but he doesn't sound like he means it and taeyong hums to agree. it is all that he is; for johnny to use to satisfy himself. the taller male then begins to thrust into him, hard and fast and merciless, pulling at his chains and causing him to choke.

to his surprise, johnny removes the cloth from his mouth and taeyong is dizzy, heady with lust but he feels johnny's mouth press to his shoulder, a show of affection in the midst of his rough treatment. taeyong sobs. he wants this to last. he wants it to last forever. 

he's drooling from all the accumulated spit, eyes rolled back and his body shunting forward with each thrust that johnny delivers. it's too much and not enough at the same time. 

tears stain his cheeks as he leans back, revels in the affection that johnny is willing to give him, and he notes the obvious change in johnny's movements, how his grip loosens and he's soft; soft kisses, soft caresses, along his skin, all over his body.

"i love you," johnny mutters, words pressed to taeyong's neck. it's hard to tell if he was dreaming but then johnny says it again. "i love you. ride me. yeah? ride me, baby?"

taeyong nods, chest swelling, and there's only fondness and adoration and love. love for johnny. everything for johnny. the taller pulls out of him then, gently, before he releases his wrists from the belt and kisses alone the knobs of his spine.

johnny shifts them then and it's nothing like the angry man who had come into taeyong's room in the middle of the night. he's gentle as he guides the smaller male onto his lap. taeyong's palms cup his cheeks, kissing over his eyes, his nose, his lips. johnny's eyes are so soft, so vulnerable.

he lifts his hips and lets johnny guide his cock back into him, hissing as he sinks down onto the lengthy shaft. taeyong pauses, pink hair matted to his forehead from sweat, the product of their exertion, and he runs his fingers through johnny's equally damp hair. 

johnny's arms wind around his small waist, holding him close as he begins the gentle rolls of his hips, riding him at a slow, leisurely pace. johnny kisses him and it's the softest he's ever been with taeyong. almost as if it would be the last time.

taeyong tightens his hold, as if afraid that it's true, afraid that johnny would be gone too soon. 

they continue to kiss, with passion instead of just heat, with love instead of just lust, because taeyong would be lying if he said he doesn't love johnny. he had spent months with the man, months of pretending to be in love with him, of pretending to be someone else entirely.

it'd be a true crime to deny what his heart feels.

johnny buries his face into the crook of taeyong's neck, kissing his skin, his collarbones, palm sliding up and down his spine. taeyong rides him language, slowly, gazing into his eyes when he pulls away to look at his face. 

moans spill from his parted lips as he swivels his hips in circles, feeling every inch of johnny's cock and gasping when it rubs over his bundle of nerves. he keeps at it then, quickening his pace as he pushes johnny back, enough to have the male laying upon his mattress as he presses the heels of his palms over johnny's inked chest. 

he uses it as a leverage to move faster, bouncing up and down johnny's monstrous shaft in his attempt to reach for both their orgasms. another jab at his prostate has him throwing his head back with a cry and then he's riding him hard and fast, desperate to be filled, desperate for release.

"i love you too, johnny," he mutters breathlessly as johnny's hands grip at his waist, guiding him when his movements start to slow down. "fuck me. please, fuck me. take all of me."

it's enough to have johnny's grip at his hips tighten and he stills taeyong so he could plant his feet into the mattress, the perfect angle to thrust up into taeyong's little pussy. both their moans mingled and become one, singular sound, filling up the room, louder than the faint music. 

each brutal thrust that johnny delivers makes taeyong grow delirious, eyes rolling back once more and lips parted, bouncing upon the male's cock and so, so easily manhandled.

"fuck! fuck, johnny- fuck, fuck, fuck. m'gonna cum. i'm so close, please. let me cum." taeyong pleads as he feels an impending orgasm creeps close, so dangerously close that he fears he won't be able to hold back. "please please please."

johnny's hand curls around his throat then, adding to his arousal as he fucks up harder, faster, growing sloppier with each thrust. "cum for me. go on. make a mess for me, baby."

taeyong stills then, because not only are johnny's thrusts getting almost too much for him, but the words johnny uttered, so deep, so hoarse, it's enough to push taeyong over the edge and then he's cumming, shaking as he spills all over johnny's abdomen. 

it doesn't take johnny long to catch up; with a dozen or so more thrusts, his grip onto taeyong's hips tighten so impossibly hard that his skin turns white and soon after johnny is filling him up with his thick, hot cum, finishing off within his pulsing channel. taeyong twitches, his body trembling, so fucked out from the session. 

they stay that way for a little while, breathless and sweaty, filthy from their affair. johnny has his face in taeyong's neck again and taeyong kisses into his hair. for a moment, they aren't leaders from rival families, but two souls in love, made to find each other but built to separate. 

after a little while, johnny gently moves taeyong off his lap. he cleans them up in silence before he climbs into bed next to taeyong and they both lay in the dark of taeyong's room, so many questions but no answers. taeyong snuggles into his side.

"what happens after this?" taeyong asks because the silence is killing him. "what happens to us?"

johnny's arm winds around his shoulders, pulling him close. "i don't know."

it shouldn't scare taeyong, but it does. he's been programmed to be tough, built like a rock but now, in this moment, small in johnny's arms, taeyong is afraid. 

they don't speak again. johnny doesn't ask and taeyong stays quiet until eventually the taller's soothing rubs over his arm lulls him to sleep, exhausted and nervous and scared. 

if he knew it was the last time he'd see johnny, taeyong thinks he would have filled that silence with another 'i love you'.

* * *

the morning after, taeyong wakes up to find a note on his nightstand, from johnny, who must have left when he was sound asleep. 

he doesn't read it immediately, instead closes his eyes once again as he clutches onto the piece of paper to his chest, wishing for only good things. but taeyong doesn't deserve good things and he knows that more than anyone else would. 

when he deems himself ready, taeyong finally reads the note. it's simple, johnny's clear handwriting littered across the small paper.

 _“taeyong, i'm sorry for leaving without_ _saying goodbye. i was scared that if i_ _waited then i would've been tempted_ _to stay. i have to go, sadly. no matter_ _h_ _ow badly i want for this to last, no_ _matter how much i want for us to be_ _normal… i think we both know that_ _this isn't the life for us. not unless we_ _make a decision that would hurt too_ _many other people. though i think it is_ _fair for us to be selfish, for once._

 _i'm sorry. my train leaves at three_ _today. i wish to see you.. i have a_ _delusion in my head that you would_ _go away with me. how ironic, isn't it?_ _if i don't see you, i'll have my answer._

 _till we meet again, in this life or the_ _next, whichever comes first._

_— with love, j._

taeyong doesn't notice the tears brimming in his eyes until he sees a drop of it staining the note, smudging the letters as he quickly tries to wipe it off but it only made it worst. he stashes it aside because his answer is definite and sure and he doesn't need to _think_. he knows what he wants; he's wanted it for months. 

getting off the bed in a stumble, taeyong grabs his duffle bag and stashes any simple clothes he could find into it. it's only noon, so he still has time to make it to the family meeting so they won't get too suspicious. he doesn't bother folding his clothes, shoving them into the bag and grabbing other necessary means.

perhaps he could have the life he started dreaming about since the first time he realized he wanted something genuine with johnny, so many nights ago, living in his own delusion that his heart was hard as stone and that loving and being loved was never within his capabilities.

he's crying as he shoves the bag under his bed, taking a rather long shower to clean himself and hating the fact that he had become everything he never wanted to be; a fool weakened because of his emotions, crying in the showers like all those movies he'd watched as a kid and swearing he would never find himself in such positions.

here he is now. 

when he leaves the shower, taeyong feels rejuvenated. he styles his hair up, wearing the slightly messy look he's known for, before he puts on his gold-rimmed black suit. doyoung had texted him updates on the whereabouts of the _orion_ members and his spokesman had met up with theirs to discuss in a civil manner.

even the _orion_ had acknowledged johnny's disappearance, or they are at least under the pretense, perhaps to protect the family member they couldn't hate. the meeting would be an official declaration that _cyrille_ is in power, that _orion_ surrenders after johnny's little stunt that wounded the peace between them.

taeyong takes the blame. johnny had loved him enough to abandon ship, to abandon the title he wore so proudly. that had been the downfall of _orion_ and while he thought he would take pride in it, taeyong only feels guilt.

when he walks into the meeting room, everyone is already waiting. by everyone, he means the inner circle of the cartel; people of the most important roles. the secretary, kim jungwoo, na jaemin, the accounts manager and lucas, in charge of security. 

amongst them are, of course, the founders of the cartel. taeyong's parents, his uncles and some of his aunts as well as his younger brother, lee donghyuck. he looks at each one of their faces, so happy, so proud, excited for the new businesses they would get to invest in, the new trades they would get to participate. taeyong would make sure they get to do it all. he just wouldn't be around to witness it.

"it's a good day, isn't it?" he asks, finally breaking the silence of the room. his face is stoic, a mask he had mastered for so long. " _orion_ has finally surrendered. the city is ours."

his family breaks out into a cheer, his parents congratulating him, his brother staring up at him with adoration, like one would a role model, his staff members are smiling, laughing. taeyong could almost join in but then the door opens and doyoung enters, looking somber but still managing a smile towards the rest of them.

one of his uncles, the infamous leader of _cyrille_ cartel in his time, lee donghae, claps him on his back. he had stepped down many years ago, allowing his brother, taeyong's father, to be in charge. the position had now been passed down to taeyong and he thinks he's done well.

"you did good, kid," donghae says, squeezing his shoulder. "thanks to you, our family is going to eat good for generations to come."

taeyong nods his head curtly, a hand slipped in the pocket of his pants. he doesn't look at donghae, afraid the older man could read it in his eyes. "i did what was expected of me. for the good of the family, for the good of our name."

"as it is our duty," donghae reminds him but when he meets the older man's gaze, donghae is smiling before he pats taeyong in the back and proceeds to join the rest of the family.

as the family scatters, pouring drinks into their glasses, taeyong watches them, finding peace in his time alone, knowing in a few minutes or so he would be leaving. there's a sense of sadness of sorts; this is the family he was born into, no matter the things he was made to do to make them proud. they are still his family. 

"i saw the note, taeyong," doyoung says from behind him, causing taeyong to freeze in his spot. stunned to silence. doyoung comes closer, sporting an arm sling from his wound, not looking at the leader as he speaks. "i saw the note. i saw the bag. i know you're leaving."

taeyong clenches his jaw, keeping his hands in his pockets. he turns to search for doyoung's eyes, desperate to see what he thinks, to know what he would say. "are you stopping me, doyoung?"

the younger man meets his gaze then, shaking his head. "i can't even if i wanted to. you've always been your own person, haven't you, yong? you did all of this on your own. i cannot stop you but i will tell you this."

doyoung pauses but taeyong stays silent, listening, his expression stilled, void of emotions. doyoung continues, "the moment _orion_ knows you fled, they will come after us. they know you're the pillar that's been holding us up, the leader that we need to keep going. as soon as they find out they will do everything in their power to bring us down. to bring donghyuck down, because he's next in line. he wouldn't make it."

taeyong's jaw hurts from how hard he's clenching down, to hold his unbothered facade. his eyes flicker over to the clock on the wall. fifteen minutes to three, he could still make it.

" _orion_ won't be the only one after _cyrille_ , you know that." doyoung has more to say, his voice hushed, so the rest won't hear him. "we have enemies everywhere. the only reason _ophelia_ hasn't come forth to wage war between us is the deal we made those years ago. they promised they wouldn't touch us as long as you still live.

"what happens when you leave, taeyong? not only _ophelia_ would make their way over. it'd be _orion_ , _icarus_ , _codrus_ . the moment you step away, only chaos for _cyrille_. i hope you will think through."

anger washes over taeyong in thick, crashing waves. anger towards doyoung for bringing it up, anger at himself for falling in love, anger at the world, for putting him here. taeyong closes his eyes and turns away, back facing the rest of his family. his blood is pounding, rushing, it's hard to breathe. it's hard to think. all he sees behind his closed eyes is johnny, waiting for him to show up.

when he opens his eyes again, the first thing he sees is the antique clock hanging on the wall. it makes his blood boil even more and he sees red. he sees johnny. he remembers johnny. 

ten minutes to three. 

taeyong curls his hand around his pistol, raises it high up and pulls the trigger. again and again and again, directly at the clock until all it's left is wooden pieces of its remains, until there's only a click to his pistol, empty.

it shut the rest of them up, stunned as they watch him, most of them confused. he tosses the handgun away, the pistol clattering over the desk before he picks up the glass of whiskey to down it all in one sitting. he hisses at the taste, meeting doyoung's eyes as if to ask him if he was _happy_ with the decision he's just made. 

"tomorrow we'll resume our business," taeyong says finally, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "we'll celebrate our victory tonight."

it's enough to have all of them break into another cheer, one by one leaving the room with a clasp on taeyong's back, a hug from his mother, a squeeze from his brother. he lights up a stick of cigarette, needed and necessary to hold himself back from spilling the tears that threatened to fall, though his face remains stoic.

smoke billows around him, left alone in the room now after he gestures for doyoung to leave. he pours himself another glass of whiskey, staring into the liquid as he takes a puff from the cigarette whilst he makes his way to the window. 

somewhere at the train station, he knows johnny is waiting. he inhales the smoke, lets it burn his lungs, lets it burn his eyes. he exhales the smoke after, feels it swirl all around him as he stares out of the window, watches as people he recognized roam the street. _his_ street. he's earned it.

he doesn't want it anymore. 

letting the cigarette stick rest between his forefinger and middle, taeyong uses the same hand to lift the glass, downing its contents. he kills the light of the cigarette by pressing the bud against the windowsill, lets it lay there. 

his heart hurts the kind of pain he didn't think was possible. last night's bliss was short-lived and as much as he wants for it to last, johnny was right. that isn't the life for them. this is.

he refuses to shed tears, not when he's not in the safe of his room so he swallows it back and places the glass on the table. business would resume and rise, with _orion_ now in the dumps. his own desires would have to go with that family.

"in the next life, then," he mutters aloud, as if johnny could hear him, as if they're certain the next one won't be as bad, or worst.

taeyong leaves the room, fixing his suit jacket, maintaining the cool, hard exterior he's known for. his head throbs, his heart is breaking, and somewhere not too far from here, johnny is on his train, leaving to god knows where.

 _next life_ , taeyong thinks quietly. he'll hope.

dangerous as hope is, it's the last thing he has. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> um, leave comments?? kudos?? tell me if you like it?? tell me if i should make this a part of a series?? 👀 find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/johnyongclub) or [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/johnyongclub)!


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